Favorite Photo on Instagram: Blogtober14

Since Helene said there were no official rules to this-I'm "breaking" the suggested post of your favorite and I'm going to tell you about my two favorite photos. Really, as I was strolling through my photos there were so many that I looked back upon that I wanted to pick but then this post would have basically been a condensed version of my Instagram feed so I stopped at two.

I just love this picture.  I was so scared that Baby was going to hate Pillow at first and be insanely jealous.  My worries were for naught-from the moment Baby laid eyes on her sister she has been in total love with her.

While the smiling baby is cute (and it was some of her first real smiles) what I really love about this photo is the fact that I can tell my husband is smiling genuinely.  It is extremely difficult to capture evidence of a true smile with him.  Also, right as I was about to capture the moment between Boyfriend and Pillow, Baby had to jump in.  I just adore my family.

One Thing I Can't Live Without: Blogtober14

When I was pregnant, I wrote about my absolute love for Bahama Bucks as the one thing I needed daily.  Now that I am not pregnant, I don't go quite as frequent but still make a trip or two a week. I tried to think of all the things I need in my life and honestly-there really wasn't anything tangible I could think of that I couldn't live without.  Sure there are many things that make my life so much more enjoyable (or functional)-my car, my computer or blankets to cuddle on the couch with my kids.  Also, apparently I can only think of things that start with the letter 'C'. I started to think about if I was on a deserted island alone, what would I really, really need to make it through the days?  As I was sitting there thinking about it, Baby crawled up into my lap for some hugs and it hit me-I couldn't live without physical touch.  Physical touch is definitely my love language.  Growing up I can remember cuddling with my parents, crawling into their bed at night and feeling reassured just by sticking my foot into their body (which explains why my daughter's foot always manages to find a spot on my face/stomach/back).
My husband has always known me as someone who needs that physical reassurance of touch.  When we are in a fight disagreement, all he has to do is give me a sincere hug and literally all the tension melts out of my body.  I'm a sucker for snuggles and he knows it.
I'm so thankful that it appears that Baby and I share a love language-it means endless cuddles for me (or for at least for now!).  Pillow on the other hand, well we aren't quite sure how she feels about it.

My Dream Job: Blogtober14

My dream job?  Well considering that I just started a brand new position yesterday, I suppose it would be appropriate to say that I'm there-and while in the corporate world, it pretty much is an ideal position, it isn't my dream position.
I didn't always know this would be a passion point for me-in fact I didn't even know that you could have a career doing this before I had Baby four years ago.  If I could do anything in the world and get paid to do it-I would be a Lactation Consultant.
When I experienced so many problems with Baby nursing, I turned to everyone I could for help.  I had some people who gave me little slices of wisdom that helped, and then some gave me extremely damaging advice.  I had one consultant tell me I had a milk blister and gave me a needle to take home and pop it.  I was too nervous too, thankfully, because in reality the white spot wasn't a blister but a vasospasm because of Raynaud's Phenomenon.
I nursed Baby through 17 months of excruciating pain.  My experience with Pillow started out the same but as I mentioned in my story above-we are doing great now.  Truly, I don't experience any painful nursing sessions and I am finally getting the opportunity to know what a healthy nursing relationship is like.
I want to be able to provide any woman the support they need to not go through what I did.  Since having Baby, I have had the most random of people contact me for breastfeeding issues-I suppose it is because I have been so open about my troubles.  I have offered my help in a hopefully non judgmental and supportive way.  I am probably one of the biggest breastfeeding advocates you can find-but I only support it IF it is the right thing for both mom and baby.
I have talked to so many women who gave up because they couldn't get the help they need.  They didn't want to stop-but the problems they are experiencing were just too great to overcome so they gave in.  A lot of the times they looked for assistance, but were given horrible advice and only complicated the matters worse.  
I know that I'm not a doctor-but the amount of time I have spent researching and reading breastfeeding materials (from all credible sources-no babycenter here) has given me a lot of knowledge.  I am passionate about the second most powerful thing a mother's body can do, only coming after giving birth.  I want, should a mother desire it, to empower moms to trust their bodies and help them continue to provide life for their children.  
The only thing that holds me back is the amount of school it takes.  I don't have a completed degree (nor can go back and for reasons that would take a lot to explain) so to be able become one seems almost impossible.  Luckily-even though I don't get the opportunity to have it as a career, offering advice, guidance and support to breastfeeding mothers is something I still have the opportunity to do on a daily basis so I still feel completely fulfilled in that manner.

If I Won the Lottery: Blogtober14

One of my favorite bloggers, Helene, is encouraging her readers to blog each day in October.  I've thought about doing this many times-mostly because I want to get in the habit of writing every day.  I might not have the best posts out there, but I'm going to try!
Today's post is about what I would do if I won the lottery.  I wrote about this a couple of years ago here actually.  Pretty much, my answers would be the same.  And while I would never turn down a multi million dollar winning lottery ticket-to be honest, my only desire is to win a half a million or so. 
Ideally, I would like to experience a windfall just large enough to pay off all debts, purchase my house outright and make some upgrades.  I would want to put money away for the girls college and take a few trips.  I would love to have just enough to be financially secure and know that should anything devastating happen, money will not be a source of stress.
Just like Helene, I also wouldn't want to tell anyone.  I am pretty sure people would guess but as long as Boyfriend and I continued to work-we could just pretend that we both got awesome promotions, right? :)
Like I mentioned in my previous post-I just have this gut feeling that I will win the lottery.  I hope it happens sometime soon, but if not that is ok.  It will just make me appreciate it more when I do.

What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago today Boyfriend and I started our day commuting to work with the company jet.

  The night before we had attended a Sunday evening wedding and didn't want to take time off of work the next day so we just flew home.  The early flight was extremely rough-not only was there horrible turbulence but my stomach was feeling extremely queasy from the amount of wine I had consumed the night before.  Basically-wild party nights and a 5 am flight do not mix.
Once at work, and with a full belly, I was still feeling really sick.  I glanced over at my calendar and with the light bulb going off so bright it burst, I knew I was pregnant.
I don't know how I knew-I hadn't even gotten to the point where I would have a missed period.  I was only about three weeks pregnant but I just knew.  I was slightly confused-without providing too much information, with Boyfriend's travel schedule and my cycles I shouldn't have even considered the fact that I was pregnant, but again I just knew.
A few of the longest hours I ever endured later, I confirmed my gut feeling by peeing on a stick in the bathroom at Target during my lunch break.
This past year has been every extreme possible in all facets of my life-from family, to personal growth to my career.  Just as we are figuring things out with our newest addition, I am about to change everything up in one major way, again.
For the second year in a row, September 30th has become a monumental day in my history.  Today was my last day at my current position and tomorrow I start a new role (with the same company, but completely different department).
I'm incredibly excited but also so, so nervous.  I mastered my last position, it was easy for me to succeed.  I was liked by my peers and leaders.  So walking into that new office, where the only things people know of me are what I expressed in my interview is equally liberating and nerve wracking.  
Leaving my job today was bittersweet.  It was time but I did love my job.  Just like when I glanced at the calendar one year ago and knew my life would forever change, I had the same gut instinct when I saw that open position-I instantly knew that I would have a new title in the near future.   I now have experienced huge benchmarks that show me just how much can change in a year.  I feel like the possibilities going forth are unimaginable and can't wait to see what the next trip around the sun will bring me.

TGIF!

I knew this would happen.  I start back at work and life literally is whizzing by and I feel like I am in a constant battle of trying to get through my weeks and spending my evenings and weekends having intentional and quality time with my daughters.   I really suck at it though.  As soon as I get home, I'm just exhausted.  I want to spend my evenings taking walks to the park, playing on the playground and wrestling in the grass.

 So what do we do instead?  We get home, I take off my clothes and put on pajamas, or sometimes just take off my pants, and I sit on the couch.  There are days that from the moment I get home until it is time to bed I barely move from the couch.  It isn't entirely wasted time, I am cuddling the littlest and the big is running around and dancing for me or coloring my pictures.

It's just that I want to be more active with my kids.  I don't want them to remember me being a couch potato.  I know it is just a stage and eventually the baby will actually sleep instead of waking me two or three times each night.

This past week, I did drag myself out of the house for a family walk to the park.  Baby was so excited, scooting on her scooter and Pillow was smiling and exploring the sky above her.  When we got to the park, Baby found a spot and declared she was going to play "model" and asked me to take some pictures of her.

Minus the mosquito bites, that evening was the best one of the week so I just need to make myself get up and moving more often. Also a bonus-Pillow only woke me once in the middle of the night!

One Week In

Today marks a full week worth of work.  Granted, last week I worked one day and then this week was a short one due to Labor Day, but a week has still passed since I returned to work.

So how am I doing?  I'm EXHAUSTED.  I never really hit the full sleep deprivation with Baby since she was a champion sleeper.  Pillow-well it is a good thing she is just adorable.  
I've been working hard to get in bed by 9 each night but I've not really been that successful.  Then I wake up a minimum of twice to nurse.  I know that she needs to eat and it isn't out of comfort because we now know exactly how much she is eating during the day, and it isn't enough to try and force her to not eat at night.  
She also loves to wake up with about an hour before my alarm goes off.  So basically by the time I am done feeding her, I only have another 15-30 minutes to sleep which at that point would be more detrimental than helpful since I'm fully awake and going back to sleep and waking up again so soon would make me grumpy.
Other than the extreme lack of sleep, I'm doing ok.  I love being able to see my work friends and just be productive.  While being lazy around the house is great from time to time, doing it for weeks on end honestly wasn't for me.  
I miss Pillow something fierce during the day though.  I long for those cute little smiles and her half laugh that sounds like she is sucking in air.  I'm sad I probably won't be around for her first real belly laugh or any other milestones she will hit while I'm at work.  
Even though my world revolves around sleep right now (or the lack of it) I'm enjoying the latest season in my life.  And once I'm getting more than four hour of stretches of sleep-well I am going to feel like I can conquer the world.