Allergic to Running

I am allergic to running.

No, for real, I legit am allergic.  If I do anything more than a leisurely stroll, I will start to break out in hives on my legs, waist and back.  I have always been this way, but I very specifically remembering it becoming a problem when I was in sixth grade during gym class.  I spent many afternoons in the nurses office trying to tell them how bad it was but they just thought I was trying to get out of class.

Over the years I have made half hearted attempts to start running on the regular.  Every single time though the same thing happens.  I get to a point, usually five-six minutes in where I start to get a tiny itch in my legs.  Then I start to feel my waist twitching.  Then my legs start to swell, I will look down and they are huge and red.  I get to a point I have to make a choice, try and ignore the itching that is bone deep or scratch.

I always try to ignore it but then I will, no joke, start to have a panic attack from the itching.  I know that sounds CRAZY, and y'all I might just be, but this type of itch is a special mental and physical torture.  I wish it seemed reasonable, but it isn't in the least bit.

Yesterday, I tried to do C25K.  I made it my first mile before I was on the curb with Baby in front of me in the jogging stroller watching me claw at my legs, trying to literally not pass out from itching.  While doing so, I destroyed my legs.  (Please ignore the fact that my legs look like they have been amputated.  Also-I can make that joke since my dad really did have that happen.)

Each one of those lines today are where I scratched so deep, I have a blood line going up and down my leg.  Sexy.

Mentally, I want so badly to be a runner.  I want to be able to just put shoes on and go.  I want to be alone with my thoughts.  I just don't think it is in my cards.  I have had semi success with taking antihistamines prior to running so I am going to experiment with that the next couple of weeks.  In the meantime though, I'll just continue to tell people I am allergic to running and be told, "Sure....just like I am allergic to work" (or paying bills/homework/yard work or whatever other activity they deem not enjoyable).

Not Baby's Jeans

Last night my friend Steff and I went to NYDJ (formally Not Your Daughter's Jeans) Spring preview event at The Joule hotel in Dallas.  I love these events, not only are filled with wine and sweets but I have the opportunity to view products under most normal circumstances I wouldn't really pay a second glance to them.

NYDJ is exactly one of those brands.  Prior to this preview, I knew them as Not Your Daughter's Jeans.  I think my mom has a pair and I know they sell them in some of the higher up department stores (I know that I have seen them before in Nordstrom).  I never considered them a brand for me, because bluntly-I still thought of them as "mom" jeans.  A la SNL commercial for Mom Jeans.

But here is the thing.  I am a mom.  So technically, any jeans I wear I guess you could consider them mom jeans.  After having a baby, your body changes.  Regardless of if you lose all the baby weight things are just different.  I actually have hips though admittedly not much, which I consider a blessing but most woman gets just a bit...wider.  There are some moms out there that you could never physically tell they grew another human being inside them, but they tend to have a much higher discipline than I will ever have.

Back to the preview-Steff and I had the chance to try out several styles and some of their upcoming tops collection.  I immediately picked out a pair that one of the hosts was wearing because she looked so darn cute but they were not for me.  I might have been admiring her skinny waist but they just went way too high on mine and overall the fit just didn't work.  I don't blame the jeans though, I blame the woman.

I tried on a pair of black jeans though and immediately loved them.  Two bonuses about these-they came in petite so my barely over five feet (lazy) self doesn't have to have them altered and they have something called Lift and Tuck technology.  Ok, at first I thought this was a gimmick or sales pitch but these jeans honestly were are the first ones where my lower belly (or the ever so sexy muffin top) was flat and I have a slightly round butt.  Consider me sold.

I also tried out one of their tops, a simple drape top that I felt really great in.  It is versatile enough that I am going to be able to wear it to work or something those childless people call date nights.  I also feel like this is going to be one of those shirts that I throw on when running errands so I can look somewhat put together without the effort.

NYDJ did send me home with my favorite picks of the evening, but my opinions are my own.  They didn't ask me to write about them, but after yesterday-I just want women, and even the non moms, out there to not automatically pass the brand by because you might be pleasantly surprised. 

Sunday was Boyfriend's birthday.   Up until Sunday, I spent six weeks being the older woman which he was always very proud of, but no longer!  10 birthdays ago for him, I remember reading on his Livejournal about his 19th birthday and how he had waited so long to get to that age so he could related to the Old 97s song. 

"We came back and finished off a bottle of vodka, green apple flavored. I had like 8 shots in 45 minutes. Jared had to walk Katie to class because I was too drunk to go anywhere. Hutch told me to go to dinner with him and when I walked outside I lost him. Hot Jenna came by with a birthday cake, which was really sweet. If you have seen the Bachelorette, Jenna looks a lot like Trista, except Jenna is hotter and doesn't do that stupid baby voice like Trista does."

A small excerpt from that LJ entry, I remember being insanely jealous of this Hot Jenna he spoke of (who he still to this day refers to her as such, but she really is so I can't blame him).  I remember wishing that I hadn't screwed up our friendship for another boy, but that is another story for a different time.   Luckily just a few months later, that other boy decided I wasn't worth the effort and I have had the extreme fortune to spend Boyfriend's next nine and counting birthdays making him birthday cakes instead of Hot Jenna.

For me, birthdays are so important.  I feel bad, I don't think that I did enough for Boyfriend this year.  We had a great brunch with some of our closest friends, dinner with my mom, cake with Baby (apparently birthdays=lots of eating delicious foods) but I didn't really *do* anything.  We don't exchange presents in our relationship but normally I still like to find ways to make the day special. Last year, we went to Vegas and in years past we have made a really fun day out of it.  The only year that less effort was made was the year that I was pregnant but you can pretty much get a pass out of anything when you are pregnant (especially be 36 weeks and in prodromal labor already).

 Boyfriend is the most important person in my life, my main squeeze, my other half.  And even though he hasn't complained, I feel guilty I didn't take the time to show him how much his special day means to me-even if it doesn't mean that much to him.  Baby however, took extreme pleasure in wishing her daddy a happy birthday at least 25 times during the day and singing to him.  She was so cute, Boyfriend even let her help blow out his birthday candles on his cake.

I feel like my life is still on hold.  Yesterday I went to the doctor's for what they thought was going to be my final blood draw that would finally show that all levels of the pregnancy hormone was gone and I am considered in the clear.

Sadly that wasn't the case, I still have an elevated HCG count meaning not everything has cleared out if you get what I mean.  The levels were very low though so no additional measures are going to be taken at this point-if two weeks from now I still have the same level I will go through a procedure to complete the process but I really would like to avoid that.

It frustrates me.  I'm mad at my body.  I'm raging angry at my Mirena (which is in some dumpster by now with other medical "byproducts" where it belongs).  I still don't *feel* normal.  I'm still bone tired most days but I have noticed some days are a lot better than others.  It could be psychological but all the same, physically I am being impacted.

The other day Boyfriend, innocently made a joke that he wasn't sure if I was just not my normal self because everything isn't physically complete or if I'm just riding out sympathy for as long as possible.  I wish that I was abusing the situation and pretending to not feel well.  I wish that I didn't feel off in my own body.

I did talk to my doctor about it and she said it was totally normal and that it will take some time to get back to normal.  She said first my body is dealing with the hormones of the pregnancy, but now at this point my body is still working to level out from going from non hormonal birth control and all of that combined can cause the extreme fatigue.

Mentally, I'm ready.  I'm ready to feel complete again.  I'm ready to feel like I have the energy to get off the couch and have a tickle/wrestle fest with my daughter.   Emotionally, I feel like I need to take charge of my body since I lost control of it a month ago.  I just wish that I wasn't so tired the only thing I physically feel capable is moving from the couch to the bed. 

Boyfriend and I don't really do Valentine's Day.  Our first one together, it was pretty magical as it was the first one I had really had with a boyfriend.  It snowed a little over an inch (y'all-in Texas that is a ton!) and everything was beautiful and picture perfect.  He even took me to The Melting Pot, on holidays they do set menus at $80+ per person so for us as baby 19 year olds, that was big money (who am I kidding-it still is now!).

Another thing that happened that first Valentines Day I remember telling him, "We have been together for so long, 8 months!" to which he immediately responded with, "Nothing in comparison to forever".  We were kinda obsessed with each other from day one and knew we would get married very early on but that response always replays fondly in my mind.

I'm not sure what happened between that year and this year, our 10th Valentine's Day that caused it to not be a big deal in our household.  Maybe I was mad because one year I spent forever making him this story book full of inside jokes and he didn't appreciate it (and to be fair now, it was really, REALLY juvenile-something only a girl would love for her boyfriend to give her, not the reverse).  Or maybe my cheap self decided since Valentine's Day falls directly between my birthday and his, we just wouldn't make it a big deal.  I don't really know, and honestly I don't care-every day is a day we show each other how much we are about each other (or maybe every other day if we are keeping it real).

I realized this year though, with a child, Valentine's Day is going to take on a new meaning in the next few years.  Baby made me and Boyfriend, with the help of her awesome Nana, some pictures.  She was so proud and so excited to surprise us with them.  My mother even managed to surprise us that she could take Baby back to the past, the date on her card was Feb 14, 1990!

I can see the next few years her getting really, really excited to participate in activities surrounding the day.  I look forward to the not so distant future watching her pick out which boxed valentine that she wants to send to that special person she likes.  I know I would analyze each card to decide which would convey my crush without actually saying it.  The year I had animal themed cards (because my mom never bought me the cool trendy ones!) I would send a friend a card saying, "Owl Be Your Valentine" and to my crush, "Bow Wow Valentine, You are Perrrrrfect!"

Speaking of play on words for Valentine's Day, I want to leave you with this as my Asian cutie will appreciate.

Yesterday was my week day off, and based off the last couple of weeks I wanted it to be a happy day.  Originally my plan was to have Boyfriend take Baby to daycare so I could sleep in and spend the day cleaning.  I know that sounds like the opposite of a happy day, but for me, having the entire day to clean my house while I don't have a little tornado behind me destroying everything I have already done (or distracting me with requests to cuddle) sounds amazing. 

My plan was foiled though when on Monday, Baby decided to play sick at daycare so she could skip it the next day to spend it with me.  Her provider sent me a text Monday afternoon stating she was running a low fever so Nana of the year picked her up.  When I came home Monday evening, she was already in bed so I am sure she wasn't feeling well but by Tuesday morning there was no signs of sickness.  Luckily for me, spending a day with my daughter is also a happy day.

For once, she actually woke up before me and asked to watch a show on my phone so I happily obliged so I could get a little more sleep while cuddling my sweet girl.  When we woke up we took a shower and headed to my doctor's appointment.  On the way there, she asked for a donut (which a strange request as we don't really eat a lot of them in our house) so we stopped by Hypnotic Donuts.

Boyfriend and I have been before and just like last time, we were there when there were slim pickings.  Baby selected a simple pink frosted donut with sprinkles and I got some sort of chocolate/peanut butter/banana thing.  Baby was enthralled with her choice. Of course she ate all the sprinkles first and then the rest of it, but she was so happy with her sprinkles.

After my doctor's appointment we stopped at Whole Foods, not the typical store we shop at but it was near by and I wanted to get Boyfriend a surprise-his favorite cake as a, "hey you are pretty awesome" treat.  While we were in there, I also saw Sumo fruit.  It is something like a cross between a mandarin and a regular orange.  I just think it looks like a boob, but Boyfriend and I have been trying to find some everywhere since it has a very short season so I picked three up.  The price of three of these boobs are sumo in price, it was $9 for just three!

Once we got home, it was my favorite part of the day-nap time!  We were lying in bed and baby wasn't just quite ready to fall asleep so she just sat there and talked herself to sleep pretty much.  At one point, I told her, "Baby I'm tired let's nap" and she told me she wasn't ready yet.  She continued to talk for a little bit longer and then gave me a big hug, and said "Ok Mommy, I'm ready to sleep now" and put her head down and fell asleep within moments.

Boyfriend came home not too long after our nap and we enjoyed dinner together and catching up on the Bachelor to which he lost his cool when Tierra stated that she can't control her eyebrow and that no one will take her sparkle away.  This morning he even was sending me twitter accounts from Tierra's eyebrow and sparkle so it definitely made an impression.

Overall, it was exactly the kind of day off I needed.  And I suppose since this happened after midnight-it can't count as happening on my day off, but Boyfriend declared Baby potty trained so of course I woke up covered in pee.  I wasn't able to fall back asleep for three more hours which was a major bummer.  On the plus side, now that I am mostly through Wednesday only two more work days until the weekend and our couples getaway!

Nature is Taking It's Course

This weekend was a bunch of nothing again and I loved every moment, just like last weekend.  I've been laying low because physcially I haven't completed the process of the miscarriage yet (sorry for TMI) so I didn't want to be caught out somewhere when it does happen.

Saturday, the only thing we did was go to breakfast with the BFF and her husband before Boyfriend's flag football game.  While Boyfriend was playing flag football, the girls went to Target.  As always, walking around I found a bunch of stuff I *had* to buy, dropping a Grant but on the plus side, I have some of Baby's Valentine's Day present ready.  After that we came home, napped and just played with Baby.

Today we were up early and went to get pho in part of our Chinese New Year celebration.  Baby usually gets a very small bowl but was upset and declared she wanted a BIG bowl of pho.  We eat out often, but the only place she will eat her entire meal without a doubt is at pho places.  Boyfriend is so proud.  Once we came home, napped again and now we are watching Mulan-keeping up with the Asian theme.

I started cramping this afternoon so I am just praying that nature is taking action and everything will be over soon.  I know emotionally I won't be completely healed for some time, but I need the physical process to be over.  I'm also ready to stop being so tired!  I feel like all I have the energy to do is to wake up so that I can take a nap in just a few hours. 

I can't say it enough, but Boyfriend has been more than amazing this whole time.  I'm sure he is ready for me to be back to my normal self (no one is more than I am).  On the plus side I have gotten out of chores and don't really feel that guilty that I have been lying around on the couch for the last two weeks. 

I am hoping that this week goes by quickly.  On Friday, the Boyfriend and I, along with three other couples are going down south to stay in a cabin next to the river for the weeknd.  Our weekend plans consist of relaxation, wine tasting/tour and I am sure watching our boys be dumb playing with fire.