Candy Can Cause More Than a Bellyache

I'm a mean mom sometimes, which includes selfishly playing tricks on my kid to cause a strong reaction.  So of course I've looked forward to the years I could play the Jimmy Kimmel "I ate all your candy" joke on her the morning after Halloween.
First off, my apologies on the vertical video and I didn't even think about the fact that the sun was in her face.  Just too excited!  But as soon as I started and saw her reaction, well my excitement turned to guilt and I felt horrible.

My heart just broke watching her face go from amusement (she thought we were lying) to confusion and then the face of someone experiencing the ultimate betrayal.  Her sobs were of heartbreak for her lost candy and parents who were so mean.  I couldn't hold out for more than 10 seconds to tell her we were just playing.
Well then my little 'tude filled four year old decided to hold a grudge. 


As much as I wanted to be angry at her for throwing my phone to the ground, I only had half the heart to be upset with her.  I was the one who just hurt her feelings and she didn't have the ability to communicate that to me.   
Sadly, this experience was just one of those things that seem more fun than they really are.  Lesson learned.  I'm not against playing harmless jokes on your kids, but I should have known better to do so with my sensitive soul.  Now Pillow on the other hand-I can already tell she is going to be a hardy one, five years from now-game on!

Survival Mode

When I had Baby, someone gave me the sage advice that in the first six weeks of your new addition's life, you are in survival mode-do whatever it takes to survive.  Now having gone through two babies, I've realized this is profound guidance.  The first six weeks is such a blurry, sleepless, tumultuous experience of the highest highs and the lowest lows while getting to know your newest love.  

Once you get out of the first six weeks, you are starting to get a groove.  You hopefully have a smiling baby in your arms that makes life just that much sweeter.  You remember to eat about half the time, there are even some days you can take a shower two days in a row.  Life is good.
Moving past six weeks, your baby starts to sleep longer and longer stretches.  Three hours feels incredibly refreshing. Four hours is as relaxing as a week long vacation.  Five hours and you can take on the world.
It has been more than seven months since I have slept longer than a five hour stretch.  That is half a year people.  And in the last five months, I have only had two of those-the rest of the time it was three and a half.  Now I am back to being lucky if I get two hours at a time.
Back to survival mode.
I'm tired on a level I have never experienced. The idea of doing anything makes me want to cry.  I'm emotionally drained, I don't have the energy to engage with Boyfriend or with Baby more than on a superficial level.  I abuse the fact that they will love me no matter what and place all of my limited resources to "turning it on" at work since I haven't built that rapport with my new team yet.  When I can, I chose to be social instead of doing any chores or dreaded responsibilities because I'm definitely not going to waste what little I have on things that don't bring me happiness.
I don't know why my baby doesn't sleep.  And frankly, I don't care.  In my mommy gut, I know nothing is wrong-it is just her adaptation to the new world. I have gotten a ton of guidance or advice on how to get her to sleep longer, some I feel there is no harm in trying, others I vehemently disagree with.
I also am told, quite frequently, "Don't worry-she will sleep through the night soon enough!" as though it was something to look forward to, the ultimate end goal.  And yes, in one way I look forward to the day that I close my eyes at 10:04 p.m. and open them and see 4:47 a.m. flashing back at me.
The thing is, with this baby, my last baby, that is going to come with age.  I mourn the loss of my baby's babyhood more than I mourn the loss of my sleep.  I don't look forward to the nights where I have lost the opportunity to give her extra snuggles and kisses on her sweet, sweaty head as I nurse her, warming her belly providing her an extra couple hours of content sleep. 
So yes, I'm back to survival mode.  This age of survival in my life is proving to be much more trying than the first six weeks of either babies life.  But I wouldn't trade it for anything, I'm not going to force something that goes against my instincts, I'm not going to demand my baby meet a development before she is ready to.  So whatever it takes, we are going to get through it, my baby and me.

Happy Halloween: Blogtober14

When I asked Baby what she wanted to be for Halloween this year, she immediately said, "Elsa!"  Absolutely no issues with that, we already had the costume and I thought we could make Pillow Olaf or something else equally cute.
Then a couple of weeks ago, she changed her mind.  She said that she wanted to be Batgirl, which was confusing to me.  I asked her why and she said that L (friend (boy) at daycare) likes Batgirl.  She also has recently asked me if L would think a dress is pretty so I think it is safe to say she has her first crush.
Ignoring the fact that my four year old daughter is already trying to dress to please a boy, we went out and bought a Batgirl costume.  The cheap side of me was annoyed at spending $30 for a costume she will wear once until I saw her in it.

Originally Pillow was going to be Robin but after buying a "newborn" costume that wouldn't have fit an average size one year, let alone my 5th percentile 4 month old, we bought her a Batgirl onesie as well.  The cuteness is just overwhelming.

We took the girls to get their pictures made at one of the cheesy department store portrait studios.  We normally dislike these types of photo sessions, but wanted to get something better than my iPhone camera.  I am just totally in love with them, but I guess it really helps when the subjects are adorable.

I'm so excited to take Baby trick or treating.  Last year, she kinda got it but unfortunately our neighborhood, despite walking over two miles, only had FIVE houses with lights on.  This year we are moving one neighborhood over and hopefully will have better luck.

Also-keep an eye out for a post next week.  I am going to pull the Jimmy Kimmel joke and tell Baby I ate all her candy.

Happy Halloween!!!

30 Facts About Me: Blogtober14

 My favorite color growing up was always black, even when I was 3-4.  I've found myself in the last five years or so being more attracted to brown, but I still think of black as my favorite color.
 I have long, long hair and am obsessed with the idea of cutting it all off though I probably never will.  Mostly because it only looks this good when I get a professional blow out.

 I get horrible, debilitating caffeine headaches.  This would be a sign to most that it is time to completely quit but I just can't (or have the desire to-I love my once a day soda).  I've made it several weeks before without but continued to have headaches the entire time (though less severe as the first few days).  
 I work in Customer Service and absolutely love it.  I know it isn't for most people-but I feel most satisfied helping others.
In 8th grade, I developed a severe case of TMJ.  We didn't know it was TMJ though and I thought I had an ear infection.  I went to specialist after specialist trying to figure out why I was in so much pain (I couldn't sleep at night) until finally a dentist diagnosed me.  My treatment was to not chew for 30 days.  So I literally lived on Slim Fasts and Cheetos Puffs-I could suck on them until they were soft enough to swallow.  There has been quite the advancement in TMJ treatments in the last 15 years.
 When I was in high school I would wake up at five a.m. to volunteer on Saturday mornings.
 I wasn't the perfect kid though-when I was 14 years old I ran away from home to be with my boyfriend.  It only lasted a couple of days.
 In college I joined a sorority, Alpha Omicron Pi.

I'm cheap about almost everything except food and travel.  I will still try to find the best deals, but will not hesitate to spend money on either.  Working at an airline also helps travel be a lot less expensive.

My current work BFF and I sat next to each other on our first days and have been inseparable since. We crossed the line of work friends to in real life friends very early on.

I got shingles when I was 19. 
 Another malady you typically see in older people, the walls that hold up my bladder collapsed sometime around the age 13 so I pee my pants incredibly easy.  My friends are always there to help me out with a change of clothes if they make me laugh too hard :)
I cried when Boyfriend and I saw The Little Mermaid on Broadway in New York.
I also cry when I listen to cello music.
 You will also find me crying at random commercials, when I get frustrated and when I get angry.  It is such a joke in my family that my mom once held a spoon up to my face because I will cry over anything and I did (it really wasn't the spoon-it was her teasing me).
 I can't stand having notifications on my phone and have to look at them immediately to remove the little red pop up.
 My favorite number is 16.  In fact, my BFF and I were both born on the 16th in 1984, six months apart so we have BFF tattoos of "1684".
 Gavin Rossdale hugged me during a concert a couple of years ago.  It was my 13 year old self's dream come true.  In my mind (and all of my girlfriends who were there) this is what he looked like while running towards me.

I hated pineapple until I got pregnant with Baby.  Now I'm obsessed with it and could eat one a day.
 My cheapness does not translate over to diapers.  Pampers is the only brand I will buy.  I've tried so hard to like the off brand (especially Target) but they really just don't compare.
The towel rod in my bathroom broke several months ago.  It was stone and extremely heavy.  Instead of fixing it/throwing it away, I saved the rod to knock out any intruders that enter my home.
I suffer from intrusive/compulsive thoughts which causes extreme anxiety.  Which explains my need for number 20.
 I can't cook but I am obsessed with food related television shows.
 I am also obsessed with HGTV but haven't done anything to decorate my home in the 5 years I lived there.  Seriously-I don't have a single thing hanging on any wall.
I am proud to be a breastfeeding mother but I hate, hate, hate, HATE pumping.

 My food can't touch.
 Sunday naps on the couch is my absolute favorite extracurricular activity.

 I'm almost always cold unless it is 100 degrees outside and I'm in the direct sun.  Even when I was a lifeguard as a teen, I would need a towel to cover me as a blanket if I was in the shade.
 I've never been able to hold onto sunglasses for more than nine months.  The two longest pairs though have been my most expensive ones so that is how I justify spending money on them vs a $10 pair every month.
I have the cutest kids ever.  For real.

Whoops:Blogtober14

My most embarrassing moment...well let me just let my screen captured Snapchat (thanks Boyfriend) speak for itself.  

 

This was probably about three months after Pillow's arrival.  I still needed to wear breastpads 24/7 so I'm not sure why I forgot to wear them when I went to the gym that night.  I had just finished a yoga class and was on the elliptical and when I noticed a few funny glances my way.

Confused, I looked down and immediately saw the two tattletale signs of a breastfeeding mother.  I couldn't even pass it off as sweat-there was just no denying it.

Not really minding the excuse to end my workout early, I hoped off to take a shower but first I had to document my embarrassing moment. I've had a few more instances since under similar circumstances including at work.  

Oh the joys of being a breastfeeding mom.

Superstitions: Blogtober14

I'm not overly superstitious but I do find myself doing slightly quirky things, just in case.   For example, Boyfriend is definitely superstitious when it comes to sports.  Pillow has to wear the same exact bow every Cowboys game, the only time she wasn't wearing it was the time they lost.  

  Last night, the Cowboys were playing and of course Pillow was wearing her bow.  I put her to bed and the bow seemed to be pulling at her hair, I almost pinned it onto her sleep sack so she was still wearing it, but it wasn't against her hair.  Then I thought to myself, "If the Cowboys lose, it will be my fault and Boyfriend will be so sad."  So the bow remained.
Update: I woke this morning and noticed the bow had fallen off during the game.  It is my fault they lost, sorry Boyfriend.   There is one light that on my commute to drive through that I hate.  It is a poorly timed cycle and on a huge hill.  I drive a standard and when I get stuck at this light I have moments of temporary panic when I'm trying to go up the hill and not fall back into the car behind me.  I have gotten to the point where if I can get through the light without having to wait-it will be a good day.   I used to wear the same exact interview outfit until I didn't get my first job wearing it.  Never again will I wear that outfit when interviewing for a new position.    I kiss my hand as I run through a red light.  I make a wish and bang the roof as I drive under train tracks.  I wish upon the first star I see at night. Like I said-it is quirky things.  Broken mirrors, black cats and going under a ladder doesn't bother me.  I guess I believe more in good fortune than bad.  Unless it is forgetting to have Pillow wear her bow during the Cowboys game, that would be very bad luck.  

 

Dear Self: Blogtober14

 

Dear Self,

With each day that passes, with each year you have grown in age, you become wiser. You have made a few mistakes in your life-but you take those mistakes and turn them into lessons and are better off for it.

For some reason though, you just don't learn from one mistake.  If I can give you just a little advice-that even your younger self from just an hour ago would listen to, you would be a lot happier.

Don't take that one last bite.  Seriously, it is never worth it.  Yes, food is delicious and some of it (like tasty enchilada casserole) will be hard to turn down that last nibble (or mouthful) but you will be in a much better place if you didn't put your fork to the lips.

Right now, you are sitting on the couch uncomfortable.  Your belly hurts. You feel like your tummy will explode.  Was that one last bite worth it?

No.

So going forth, as soon as you feel the hunger pains subside while eating and the instant you hit satisfied, stop.  Seriously.  There will be more food, you will get to eat again later. 

You really won't regret not taking another bite.  Well unless you are in Boston eating your favorite foods only they have to offer.  Eat away and suffer the consequences.