I am still working a schedule of four 10 hour days with one weekday off. My current day off is on Tuesdays-both Baby and I sleep in long after Boyfriend has left for the day and we always have the same ritual.
I wake up probably around 9:00-9:30 and Baby is still fast asleep. I try to convince my mind to shut off for a bit longer and enjoy the sleep while Baby is still passed out, but I just can't. I'll turn on the computer and start clicking around on Facebook and catching up on my Google Reader and about 30 minutes in, Baby will wake up.
Baby always wakes up so happy on my days off and is just full of chatter and smiles. She also has her own Tuesday morning routine, she sets up the pillows next to me on the bed, pats them down for maximum comfort and lies as close as she can next to me but not on me. I then hand her my phone which she plays around on her games for a few minutes while I finish up on my lolcats (just kidding on the lolcats-most of them are not funny anymore).
This past Tuesday, for whatever reason Baby seemed to have a stronger desire for cuddling than normal. At first she followed the traditional routine and was lying right next to me but after a few moments I noticed she was inching up to being on top of my arm. A few minutes later, she is actually half way on my arm and half on the bed. Several minutes later she is actually completely on top of me, with her legs covering the laptop keyboard and her head leaning on my shoulder.
Please don't misunderstand, I love cuddling. You ask me what a perfect day would consist of and one of my first answers would be cuddles. But at that moment, I was trying to pay the bills and had to finish them right then-otherwise I might have forgotten to pay something later and I need my cellie so that my other, secret, boyfriend can get in contact with me.
So I ask her to scoot over which she does just enough that she isn't fully on top of me, but just covering my arm which I am ok with. Minutes pass by, another bill paid and I notice she is starting to gradually make her way back over. She starts to cuddle into me as deep as she can, almost as if she wanted to cuddle so hard she would be inside me.
I am on my last bill so I tell her, "Baby-will you please scoot over just a little bit so Momma can use her arms please? I only need two more minutes and then we can cuddle all you want". In that moment Baby transformed into her father-she sighed extremely loud and got up and walked to the complete other side of the bed and made herself comfortable there.
I was half amused and half frustrated. How does a two year already have that much attitude? How does she know how to be sarcastic already?! I can just see the foreshadowing that is happening and what my sixteen year old daughter is going to be like. I'm starting to fear the teenage years more and more each day. After that though, I did what I should have done when she first started to do sneak cuddle and put the computer away and told her to come over, and unlike her father, she happily crawled into my arms.
I held Baby for as long as she wanted, but just as I'm sure it will be 12 years from now, it was a moment quickly passed and too short. My sweet girl was ready to get up and running for the day. There were no further episodes of sarcasm that day, but there was another glimpse of the dreaded teen years-she refused to get in the car because her grandmother did not compliment her on her dress.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Rolling on dubs
I've said this to many people in my life there are three things in my life that I have just known. The first thing was the night Boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend, I was being a typical (slightly psychotic) girl and flipped through the calendar looking at when our anniversary would next fall on a Saturday. That moment, I knew my wedding would be on June 2nd, 2007 and it was.
The other thing I knew was that I would work for the company I do now. I don't remember when I knew this, but even when I was in college I knew I would work for an airline. Then when I moved back to Dallas from College Station, I started applying to Southwest and was finally successful a little over a year ago.
The last thing that I just *know* hasn't come true for me yet. It will though, and one day I'll be able to say, "See! I told you I would win the lottery one day!" I feel this to be true with the same conviction that I had for the other parts of my life so I don't see why this one won't come true as well.
Boyfriend and I like to think about what we will do when we win the lottery. Our first plan is to tell not one soul, but I'm sure that won't work out. I mean how are we going to explain how we are rolling on dubs and making it rain at the club? Really though, both Boyfriend and I have agreed that we both still want to work even after I win the lottery. I won't want to work quite as much (ok, maybe only 20% as much as I work) but I honestly do love to work. Not to mention that if both of us didn't work we would be around each other 24/7 and I'm pretty sure that is why so many couples get divorced after winning the lottery.
Mostly though we think about how we it would change how we raise Baby. I like to think that extreme financial wealth wouldn't change my perspectives on how to raise a child. I still would want to instill a sense of budget, the desire to save and the feeling of knowing that hard work can pay off. I think even with a bigger disposable income I still wouldn't spend $100 on a baby outfit and shop at Target and kid thrift stores. Should my lottery winnings hit before she turns 16, I hope that I don't get caught up in the excitement and buy her a new car.
And maybe my gut is wrong, I won't actually win the lottery itself. But I mean this with every bit of intuition I have, one day I will receive a major, life changing windfall of money. It doesn't even have to be millions-for us 100k would be a game changer. I hope I don't change, but if I do-please don't hesitate to knock me upside the head with a bottle of Cristal from my personal stash and remind me that I didn't want to be that way. Of course I will understand if you decide to wait until after I had made it rain to do so.
The other thing I knew was that I would work for the company I do now. I don't remember when I knew this, but even when I was in college I knew I would work for an airline. Then when I moved back to Dallas from College Station, I started applying to Southwest and was finally successful a little over a year ago.
The last thing that I just *know* hasn't come true for me yet. It will though, and one day I'll be able to say, "See! I told you I would win the lottery one day!" I feel this to be true with the same conviction that I had for the other parts of my life so I don't see why this one won't come true as well.
Boyfriend and I like to think about what we will do when we win the lottery. Our first plan is to tell not one soul, but I'm sure that won't work out. I mean how are we going to explain how we are rolling on dubs and making it rain at the club? Really though, both Boyfriend and I have agreed that we both still want to work even after I win the lottery. I won't want to work quite as much (ok, maybe only 20% as much as I work) but I honestly do love to work. Not to mention that if both of us didn't work we would be around each other 24/7 and I'm pretty sure that is why so many couples get divorced after winning the lottery.
Mostly though we think about how we it would change how we raise Baby. I like to think that extreme financial wealth wouldn't change my perspectives on how to raise a child. I still would want to instill a sense of budget, the desire to save and the feeling of knowing that hard work can pay off. I think even with a bigger disposable income I still wouldn't spend $100 on a baby outfit and shop at Target and kid thrift stores. Should my lottery winnings hit before she turns 16, I hope that I don't get caught up in the excitement and buy her a new car.
And maybe my gut is wrong, I won't actually win the lottery itself. But I mean this with every bit of intuition I have, one day I will receive a major, life changing windfall of money. It doesn't even have to be millions-for us 100k would be a game changer. I hope I don't change, but if I do-please don't hesitate to knock me upside the head with a bottle of Cristal from my personal stash and remind me that I didn't want to be that way. Of course I will understand if you decide to wait until after I had made it rain to do so.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Recently I applied to be a contributor for Dallas Moms Blog, they were looking for working mothers to have a voice on the site. I jumped at the chance because while I have been following the blog for quite some time, I always felt that my version of motherhood wasn't well represented as all the contributors seemed to be primarily stay at home moms.
Myself, along with two other working mothers were selected to become full time contributors for the blog. I am really excited about this-I love to write but as my one faithful reader (shout out to the boyfriend!) knows, I am horrible about keeping up with this particular blog.
I log in to Blogger often, I just don't know how to start or what to say. In fact, in the last two years I have written 35 posts but I have over 50 drafts started that I just never completed and/or published. I don't know if it is because I don't feel like I have an audience beyond myself and Boyfriend, in which case my personal written journal fulfills my needs. I also feel like so much time passes that I just don't know where to jump in and start.
For the most part however, it is that I have this idea that my blog should be able to stand out in the sea of mommy blogs. I spend a large portion of internet time reading blogs and there is a very specific subset of blogs that keep my attention. Most often these blogs are not set up different than any other blog out there but they are well written, funny, and real. These blogs are not filled with only day in the lifes (which I do enjoy-I just don't prefer it to only be the only posts a blogger makes), my favorite blogs will share feelings that have depth beyond the surface level that paints a picture perfect story.
And this is where my problem lies. It is hard to just put your feelings out there, to be that vulnerable for the world to see (and judge you). For me, one of the ways I have dealt with the harder parts of motherhood was to be bluntly honest about it. I've found that while I might be admitting something most every mother has felt-my admission is something that somewhere, long ago a mommy code was declared us sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted mothers must not admit lest we be judged and casted as a "bad mother".
Am I bad mother because not only do I enjoy having my girls nights out but to be honest, I am quite content and don't have that nagging feeling to be home with her or miss her? Does it make me less of a mother because I admit that some days I really, really miss the luxury of time/money/alone time that being childfree offered? It should go without saying that I wouldn't have it any other way, ever, but I always have to throw that disclaimer out there or I feel that the recipient of my confession will knock me down on the mommy scale.
Going back to the blogs that I love and appreciate the most-those mothers and fathers will admit the real feelings. The feelings that are the hardest to admit, but the ones that us lonely and isolated parents need to read/hear and know we aren't alone. I know I have said this before, but I really do want to keep up with my blog. Beyond the obvious benefits of having a recorded history of my life with Baby, I want to be able to be vulnerable rfor other parents so they don't feel as alone as I have in the past. That is of course, if I ever make this blog more visible so I can up my reader count to two (shout out to my mother!).
Myself, along with two other working mothers were selected to become full time contributors for the blog. I am really excited about this-I love to write but as my one faithful reader (shout out to the boyfriend!) knows, I am horrible about keeping up with this particular blog.
I log in to Blogger often, I just don't know how to start or what to say. In fact, in the last two years I have written 35 posts but I have over 50 drafts started that I just never completed and/or published. I don't know if it is because I don't feel like I have an audience beyond myself and Boyfriend, in which case my personal written journal fulfills my needs. I also feel like so much time passes that I just don't know where to jump in and start.
For the most part however, it is that I have this idea that my blog should be able to stand out in the sea of mommy blogs. I spend a large portion of internet time reading blogs and there is a very specific subset of blogs that keep my attention. Most often these blogs are not set up different than any other blog out there but they are well written, funny, and real. These blogs are not filled with only day in the lifes (which I do enjoy-I just don't prefer it to only be the only posts a blogger makes), my favorite blogs will share feelings that have depth beyond the surface level that paints a picture perfect story.
And this is where my problem lies. It is hard to just put your feelings out there, to be that vulnerable for the world to see (and judge you). For me, one of the ways I have dealt with the harder parts of motherhood was to be bluntly honest about it. I've found that while I might be admitting something most every mother has felt-my admission is something that somewhere, long ago a mommy code was declared us sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted mothers must not admit lest we be judged and casted as a "bad mother".
Am I bad mother because not only do I enjoy having my girls nights out but to be honest, I am quite content and don't have that nagging feeling to be home with her or miss her? Does it make me less of a mother because I admit that some days I really, really miss the luxury of time/money/alone time that being childfree offered? It should go without saying that I wouldn't have it any other way, ever, but I always have to throw that disclaimer out there or I feel that the recipient of my confession will knock me down on the mommy scale.
Going back to the blogs that I love and appreciate the most-those mothers and fathers will admit the real feelings. The feelings that are the hardest to admit, but the ones that us lonely and isolated parents need to read/hear and know we aren't alone. I know I have said this before, but I really do want to keep up with my blog. Beyond the obvious benefits of having a recorded history of my life with Baby, I want to be able to be vulnerable rfor other parents so they don't feel as alone as I have in the past. That is of course, if I ever make this blog more visible so I can up my reader count to two (shout out to my mother!).
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Boyfriend is a jerk. One year, after coming out in cute shorts after the long winter I expected him to say something about finally seeing legs again. He did comment on them, but only to tell me that my thighs were "much softer" than they had been the summer before. Supposedly that was a compliment but I'm still confused as to how.
Another thing is that he gets legit mad that I don't like certain foods. Like not just annoyed that I'm a picky eater, he gets actually angry that I have a slight (ok, maybe I am picky but whatever. I am adult and don't have to eat anything other than what I want to!) preference or distaste for certain foods/textures.
Also, he won't accept me for who I am. I want him to just finally accept and love me despite that I will never be able to keep my side of the sink clean. Never. It just isn't going to happen. I don't know what my mental block is and why I can't just pick up after myself but if it hasn't happened in our almost eight years living together it really just isn't.
Boyfriend and I are working on towards our ninth anniversary this summer, at this point I've pretty much figured him out and have decided that I can ignore his faults because his good, no great, qualities make up for his relationship infractions. I love him regardless of how much a jerk he is(and sometimes in the heat of it, I might even use the term "asshole", sorry babe!) because he more than makes up for it the other 99% of the time.
Once we were fighting in the car, I saw an orange on the floor and just yelled at him that I was so angry I could just throw the orange at his head. I meant it too, if I wasn't worried that my super strength would knock him out while driving I might have thrown it at him 'Rookie of the Year' style. A few month's later he had done something wrong (because I am always right, duh) and handed me an orange to throw at him for his punishment. A bigger woman might have not taken the opportunity but I took extreme pleasure in watching that orange bounce off his head. Of course we both started laughing (after he shed a few courtesy tears for my ego) and all was forgiven.
Growing up my mom always told me that whoever I decide to marry, just make sure he is funny because laughter is what gets you through the times. I definitely took her advice and while I might be slightly biased, there are going to be several people who agree with me that Boyfriend is one of the funniest people out there. He did win Most Witty 2002 after all.
Boyfriend and I don't get to see each other as often as we like. He works nights and rotating weekends, so with the exception of every other weekend and one night during the week he is in bed when I leave for work and I am in bed by the time he gets home. Sometimes it is really hard, sometimes I don't mind having all of the TV/bed/eating candy for dinner. To connect between the times that we see each other, we leave notes in the shower with Baby's bath crayons. I don't remember how it started but we go back and forth each day.
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Another reason he is a jerk-he knows that I am one of the check behind the curtain kind of gals when I am home alone. So he decides to leave this one up for me one night:
I can tell you, even though I knew he was the one who wrote it, I was still feeling really icky and took the fastest shower I could. Please ignore the soap scum on my shower head. I suppose along with keeping my side of the sink clean, my shower head can be added onto that list.
Boyfriend and I don't really "do" Valentine's Day. I feel like we both take an extreme amount of effort to make sure that we make each other feel special year round and tell each other consistently that we love each other. Regardless, I wanted to give the special man in my life a shout out because even if I tell him how wonderful he is, I think the world should know too.
So Boyfriend, despite your stinky farts that make me gag, your "compliments", your inability to accept my lack of domestic skills and your overall jerkness I think I will keep you. You are my jerk after all.
Another thing is that he gets legit mad that I don't like certain foods. Like not just annoyed that I'm a picky eater, he gets actually angry that I have a slight (ok, maybe I am picky but whatever. I am adult and don't have to eat anything other than what I want to!) preference or distaste for certain foods/textures.
Also, he won't accept me for who I am. I want him to just finally accept and love me despite that I will never be able to keep my side of the sink clean. Never. It just isn't going to happen. I don't know what my mental block is and why I can't just pick up after myself but if it hasn't happened in our almost eight years living together it really just isn't.
Boyfriend and I are working on towards our ninth anniversary this summer, at this point I've pretty much figured him out and have decided that I can ignore his faults because his good, no great, qualities make up for his relationship infractions. I love him regardless of how much a jerk he is(and sometimes in the heat of it, I might even use the term "asshole", sorry babe!) because he more than makes up for it the other 99% of the time.
Once we were fighting in the car, I saw an orange on the floor and just yelled at him that I was so angry I could just throw the orange at his head. I meant it too, if I wasn't worried that my super strength would knock him out while driving I might have thrown it at him 'Rookie of the Year' style. A few month's later he had done something wrong (because I am always right, duh) and handed me an orange to throw at him for his punishment. A bigger woman might have not taken the opportunity but I took extreme pleasure in watching that orange bounce off his head. Of course we both started laughing (after he shed a few courtesy tears for my ego) and all was forgiven.
Growing up my mom always told me that whoever I decide to marry, just make sure he is funny because laughter is what gets you through the times. I definitely took her advice and while I might be slightly biased, there are going to be several people who agree with me that Boyfriend is one of the funniest people out there. He did win Most Witty 2002 after all.
Boyfriend and I don't get to see each other as often as we like. He works nights and rotating weekends, so with the exception of every other weekend and one night during the week he is in bed when I leave for work and I am in bed by the time he gets home. Sometimes it is really hard, sometimes I don't mind having all of the TV/bed/eating candy for dinner. To connect between the times that we see each other, we leave notes in the shower with Baby's bath crayons. I don't remember how it started but we go back and forth each day.
.JPG)
Another reason he is a jerk-he knows that I am one of the check behind the curtain kind of gals when I am home alone. So he decides to leave this one up for me one night:
I can tell you, even though I knew he was the one who wrote it, I was still feeling really icky and took the fastest shower I could. Please ignore the soap scum on my shower head. I suppose along with keeping my side of the sink clean, my shower head can be added onto that list.
Boyfriend and I don't really "do" Valentine's Day. I feel like we both take an extreme amount of effort to make sure that we make each other feel special year round and tell each other consistently that we love each other. Regardless, I wanted to give the special man in my life a shout out because even if I tell him how wonderful he is, I think the world should know too.
So Boyfriend, despite your stinky farts that make me gag, your "compliments", your inability to accept my lack of domestic skills and your overall jerkness I think I will keep you. You are my jerk after all.
