Recently I applied to be a contributor for Dallas Moms Blog, they were looking for working mothers to have a voice on the site.  I jumped at the chance because while I have been following the blog for quite some time, I always felt that my version of motherhood wasn't well represented as all the contributors seemed to be primarily stay at home moms. 

Myself, along with two other working mothers were selected to become full time contributors for the blog.  I am really excited about this-I love to write but as my one faithful reader (shout out to the boyfriend!) knows, I am horrible about keeping up with this particular blog.

I log in to Blogger often, I just don't know how to start or what to say.  In fact, in the last two years I have written 35 posts but I have over 50 drafts started that I just never completed and/or published.  I don't know if it is because I don't feel like I have an audience beyond myself and Boyfriend, in which case my personal written journal fulfills my needs.  I also feel like so much time passes that I just don't know where to jump in and start. 

For the most part however, it is that I have this idea that my blog should be able to stand out in the sea of mommy blogs.  I spend a large portion of internet time reading blogs and there is a very specific subset of blogs that keep my attention.  Most often these blogs are not set up different than any other blog out there but they are well written, funny, and real.  These blogs are not filled with only day in the lifes (which I do enjoy-I just don't prefer it to only be the only posts a blogger makes), my favorite blogs will share feelings that have depth beyond the surface level that paints a picture perfect story.

And this is where my problem lies.  It is hard to just put your feelings out there, to be that vulnerable for the world to see (and judge you).  For me, one of the ways I have dealt with the harder parts of motherhood was to be bluntly honest about it.  I've found that while I might be admitting something most every mother has felt-my admission is something that somewhere, long ago a mommy code was declared us sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted mothers must not admit lest we be judged and casted as a "bad mother".

Am I bad mother because not only do I enjoy having my girls nights out but to be honest, I am quite content and don't have that nagging feeling to be home with her or miss her?  Does it make me less of a mother because I admit that some days I really, really miss the luxury of time/money/alone time that being childfree offered?  It should go without saying that I wouldn't have it any other way, ever, but I always have to throw that disclaimer out there or I feel that the recipient of my confession will knock me down on the mommy scale. 

Going back to the blogs that I love and appreciate the most-those mothers and fathers will admit the real feelings.  The feelings that are the hardest to admit, but the ones that us lonely and isolated parents need to read/hear and know we aren't alone.  I know I have said this before, but I really do want to keep up with my blog.  Beyond the obvious benefits of having a recorded history of my life with Baby, I want to be able to be vulnerable rfor other parents so they don't feel as alone as I have in the past.  That is of course, if I ever make this blog more visible so I can up my reader count to two (shout out to my mother!).