Permission to Blog

A few weeks ago I saw someone post a sponsored post about overnight diapers for older kids.  The post was well written and while it was a sponsored post-I know there are a lot of parents out there who need a product like the one she was describing so I got why she accepted it (well, beyond the compensation).

What stayed with me, after I had read the post, was that she used her five/six year old son as an example and how they personally used the products-her son had bed wetting issues.  Now I personally don't think there is anything to be ashamed of, nor something to make fun of but I have a feeling other six year old boys may not feel the same. And with kids these days (do I sound like an old fuddy duddy yet?) having access to the internet earlier and earlier-it may not be long before his classmates find that blog post.

It made me very conscious of what I post here. It is such a fine line of being an authentic parent who blogs-I want to share my stories and my life but I have to honor my daughter's story as well.  Boyfriend and I have never felt that it was wrong to be so public with sharing our experiences and pictures of our kids.  I don't believe that having pictures of my two year old nudist's butt on the internet will cause her emotional trauma, I don't want to raise my daughter to be the kind of person who let's things like that get under her skin.  I know we have some nature vs nurture that will play into it, but I do have (some) influence.

In my mind though, there is a vast difference between a two year old naked butt and posting a private medical issue.  That line seems very defined and easy for me to distinguish.  But what about the not so clear items-bed sharing situations, discipline problems, educational concerns?  Up until now, I have taken my children's feelings into consideration, there have been some posts I have not made simply because my gut tells me that they may not want that out there.  I suppose the obvious answer is to just ask permission from my kids as soon as they are old enough to understand.

I know how many views I get on this blog per day and while it isn't a super "successful" one by any means-I do have a large handful of daily visitors, I suppose wanting to know what is going on in my life.  For myself and my readers-I want to be real.  I want to talk about the things that so few others do.  The other bloggers out there that post about the harder subjects, sometimes those people are my lifelines-solidarity on knowing someone else is going through something I am (and hopefully how to get through it).  I hope I can inspire other moms like they inspire me.

While I'm still pondering on what is appropriate vs inappropriate I will leave you with this picture of Evelyn.  I don't even have to ask permission, I know her answer because she asked me to take the picture and post it on Facebook so our family could see it.  Which is an entirely different blog in itself.

Life in Bullet Points

Sometimes I don't really have an update worthy of an entire blog post, but I have random happenings that I just want to make note of.  So in honor of that:

* Evelyn starts school in three weeks, two days.  I apparently was supposed to order her school uniforms a week ago, whoops.  I'll get on that this weekend, hopefully.  And if not-well we just will have to keep her home for one more year, fine by me!

* I cut 14 inches of hair off.  I'm a bad blogger and don't have a picture (yet) but will post soon.  I don't know why, but I'm actually surprised at how much lighter my head feels.  (Side note-before I edited this blog, I originally included the disclaimer "off my head" to explain where I cut my hair.  Why I thought that clarification was necessary, I'm not sure-I can't think of any other place you could grow 14 inches of hair and if it were possible otherwise I would NOT admit to that, no matter how open I may be!)

* Also speaking of my hair, I was generously gifted a deluxe sample of Deva Curl line.  I have had curly hair since I was 19 and hardly ever wear it curly.  While I'm still not convinced (especially with my short hair) the after photo of my curls (pre chop) has me almost convinced.  

* I have only been on the Bachelor/ette bandwagon for three or four seasons now but now am an avid "fan."  I find that it is mostly an excuse to have a dedicated night to be lazy on the couch and have something to share with my friends.  While I am excited for Bachelor in Paradise and the ridiculous drama I am SO FREAKING ANNOYED that it is a two night commitment.  This may be where I jump ship.  

*Boyfriend and I have an (expensive) goal to eat at every restaurant at Trinity Groves.  We haven't dined at many yet-Amberjax, Off Site Kitchen and Sugar Skull Cafe, all with a stop at Cake Bar after.  We have been beyond impressed at each spot and can't wait to visit more, especially in the Fall when we eat on the patio and play on the bridge.  

Awww...family photo on the bottom corner

* Boyfriend and I have officially scheduled our first nights away from both girls!  He has a conference in Orlando so I am going to tag along on the front end and we are going to go to Universal Studios.  I'm pretty darn excited! 

* It is almost time for our yearly garage sale.  I've been in the process of decluttering and want to sell/donate everything.  I'm a minimalist on the outside, hoarder in the inside.  So basically my house looks pretty decluttered, until you open drawers and closets.  I think I have hit my breaking point though and just need it gone.

*I'm still sleeping and it is the BEST THING EVER.

Summertime

I love the feel of Summer.  I don't mean the literal feeling-the extreme heat, the inability to cool your internal body temperature after being outdoors for more than five minutes or the mosquitoes that eat me alive the moment I set my feet outdoors.  

What I am referring to is the relaxed pace everyone seems to adhere to (probably because if you risk moving too fast, you have sweat stains for days), the longer nights knowing you can sit in the backyard enjoying the later sunsets (doused in bug spray).  Getting to catch the sunrise each morning as I leave work and getting to experience the beauty of nature with my oldest.

I love the foods of Summer:BBQ, fresh fruits and veggies, ice cream and popsicles.  Sure I can get these foods year round but they taste so much better during Summer.

For the first time ever, our Summer is ending, not because we are entering Fall but because we are starting a brand new season of life-school.  I have such mixed feelings on this, one day I'm excited for Evelyn and the very next hour I'm digging my feet in the sand trying to anchor us to our current life.

These last few weeks of Summer (four to be exact) we will be spending our evenings playing outside in the sprinklers, staying up late watching scary movies (Evelyn's favorite) and taking evening walks to discover all the creatures in our neighborhood.  

Summer may be almost over, but I know we have filled our girls memories with happy times.  Water balloon fights, dinners consisting of only Bahama Bucks Snocones and trips to the splash park, I think I can safely say my girls too, are lovers of Summertime.

Blueberry Pickin

With the exception of last year due to a brand new baby, our family has made it out to Twin Oaks Blueberry Farm to fill up buckets worth of blueberries.

Can we just take a moment to notice how grown up Evelyn looks?

 We woke up abnormally early this past Saturday morning and decided to head out which ended up being perfect, it was just starting to get hot by the time our buckets were full.  Evelyn was really into it this year, taking extreme care to not pull any that weren't ripe.  Penny wasn't quite as picky and would eat any that her tiny fingers could pluck off the bush.

Admittedly it was difficult for Penny to walk around-the bushes are on a slight incline but her sister was more than happy to help her out.  I'm already looking forward to next year's trip to the blueberry farm!

I've Been Keeping Something From You...

And no, it isn't a pregnancy.  Let's just get that out of the way.

The last three weeks, give or take some days, I have gone from getting two hour (at best) consecutive hours of sleep to anywhere between seven to nine.  Literally life changing.

Sometime after Penny's birthday, after another night of only logging a total of three hours I had finally hit my breaking point.  I had maintained that after her birthday I would night wean her, but I quickly realized there was no slowly dropping one session at a time-this girl had to go cold turkey.

On night one, I told Boyfriend I was going to sleep in the guest room and he could stay with Penny.  I hardly slept because I was convinced I could hear her across the room crying.  The second night I decided to move the baby monitor into the room with them so I could hear her crying.  It wasn't so that I could go help-I was going to leave him to figure it out, but I just needed to know.

That night, she woke up several times but only cried for less than ten seconds and then there was only the white noise from the monitor playing in the background.  Each night that passed, she started to sleep longer and longer periods of time until now where we are-five to six hours for the first chunk and then she still wakes every 50ish minutes crying but falls asleep quickly.

Now that I'm finally getting some sleep, I'm trying to figure out how to do the next step-get her into her own bed.  Well, I'm still trying to get Evelyn into her own bed so our plan is for them to share a bed (for now) like above.  I'm scared to make any drastic changes but I want to be in my own bed again, I want to sneak my cold feet against Boyfriend for warmth.

I sometimes wonder if I really needed to wait as long as I did before night weaning her, I know that is what was causing her to not sleep well.  I don't regret it though and believe I was right in waiting since up until her birthday her main source of nutrition really was milk.  It is just now in the last couple of weeks I have noticed she eats (and dang the girl can eat) more than she does drink milk.

Boyfriend says he is ok with dealing with her wakings.  He often tells me the only last five or so minutes, but in reality it is often less than 30 seconds of her crying.  I know when you are waking often like that it seems much longer but he has this magical ability of falling asleep instantly. I am so appreciative he not only takes Mission:Get Baby to Sleep on without complaints, he is seemingly physically fine.

It's funny, not sleeping was my crutch for everything.  Didn't feel like doing chores-I'm tired!  Going through a drive thru-I don't have the energy to cook! Naps every day-well that still happens but I have never given up my naps.

I'm sure Boyfriend will tell you I'm a better person to be around. I physically feel a million times better, I notice I have some energy again.  My laundry, for the first time in literally years (that literal isn't figurative) is down to a manageable one or two loads.  My house stays picked up, it only takes 45 minutes vs a few hours to have the house guest ready.

Even though a year of no sleep was the almost the hardest physical thing I have ever done (breastfeeding Evelyn comes in first) I don't regret it one bit.  I did what I needed to do for my daughter and I'm proud that I made sure her needs came first, as hard as it was.  I have found myself each morning when Boyfriend brings her to me after her first morning waking (after 5 am) I am excited to see her again, to hold her and kiss her because I missed her snuggly self so much.

Of course, now that I have gone public about this I am positive she will up and change everything but at least I got a couple weeks of sleep, right?

Short Shorts

It was 12 years ago this month that I signed up for an Express credit card, influenced by the BFF so we could buy matching terry cloth outfits.  I remember feeling so cute in my short shorts with a matching short sleeve zipper jacket, I loved them so much I purchased several sets in multiple colors. 

Those terry cloth outfits were my summer uniform in 2003.  I was a lifeguard and swim instructor and when not working, I was swimming with my friends or brand new boyfriend.  These outfits were perfect to throw on over my swimsuit and get going to the next place.

I've lost all but one pair of the shorts, the black ones above.  Parts of the shorts are so thin and strained, I've lost the drawstring and one of the metal eyelets has gone missing.  Yet I still love these shorts and wear them often (at home).

They are much more fitted than they were a decade ago, but magically they still hang around my hips as they did in the early years.  These shorts symbolize the start of my relationship with Boyfriend, I remember how he would touch the material and tease me that I was wearing a literal towel outfit. I have memories of him jokingly (or not) hiking them up around my waist so he could get a better view of my butt.

I was wearing these shorts when we decided that we would be together forever, laying on the couch talking about our future children and what our home would look like.  I was wearing these shorts when my father had a stroke and I cried in Boyfriends arm's for the first time.  I was wearing these shorts when my father lectured Boyfriend about us spending "alone time" together.

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself over how I hoard certain things, especially if the item can recall a multitude of emotions.  I'm trying to be better, I've consolidated my two bursting closets into one, organized one.  I throw away tshirts that are no longer wearable, I donate clothing that I just can't/won't wear.

But these ratty shorts, the ones that are too short to wear in public-they mean too much to me to get rid of so until I can no longer fit in them or the rip apart they will continue to be found in my laundry basket.

Walking the Tightrope

In 50 days Evelyn starts Kindergarten. We agonized over which path we should take with school-the Gifted and Talented program through our local school district or a charter school where we felt very confident in the program after doing a lot of research and speaking to parents of students.  After a lot of thought and research (and a few gut checks) we enrolled Evelyn as a Kindergarten student at the charter school.

It was a major decision for us, and we believe we made the right choice.  A couple of weeks ago we drove Evelyn by her new school and she was in total awe.  Evelyn is so excited to start school, she wants to learn, eat lunch in the cafeteria and do homework.  Not sure how long her unabridged excitement will last, but for now we encourage every moment.

On our way home, we rolled the windows down and she stuck her hand out the window, belly laughing at the wind passing between her fingers.  Her arm suddenly seemed so small, just the tips of her fingers were hanging out the window.  I glanced at her and then back at the school and the weight of what was to come in just a few short weeks overcame me.

In just a couple of weeks I am going to walk up my tiny girl, whose backpack will swallow her from shoulders to knees, up the stairs of a massive school building with impressive white columns to her first day of school.  She will enter her first classroom totally unprepared for what will come and while she will be scared she will put on the bravest face she can muster.

I can feel that we are moving across the tightrope of early childhood and childhood, with slight dips on both sides until ultimately, this Fall, we have left the early stage.  So that night, I just sat and watched her giggling without abandon at her fingers slipping through the warm air knowing that everything is about to change but appreciating the moment for what it is now.