Ghost Riding My Whip

The end of pregnancy can suck it. I am not one of those women who are like, "OMG GET IT OUT OF ME!!" because, as I have said many times to my friends-once it is out, it isn't going back in!  I'm just feeling, very very pregnant.

Mentally though, it is maddening.  Since I didn't actually know I was in labor with Baby, I am constantly worried the same is going to happen with this one.  I actually pray that is the case-because it means that I have a tolerable level of pain instead of the screaming, clinging to the walls level.  But until I know for sure I am in labor, I am going to sit here and drive myself insane wondering if all these dumb contractions (I have been having regular ones for a bit now, some actually uncomfortable some just regular tightening) are for real-or just getting my body ready.   I mentally have lost it too.  Yesterday when I picked up Baby from daycare, she looked out the door and pointed to my car and said, "Daddy!!" I was really confused since he wasn't in the car with me (sometimes we carpool) but even more surprisingly, my car is slowly rolling away from the house.  Apparently I forgot to put the car in first gear as well as engage the emergency brake so gravity was working on my poor car.  Luckily it was only slightly rolling so I was able to hop in and stop it, but seriously-if that isn't a sign of pregnancy brain I don't know what is.  Can I just claim that I wanted to ghost ride my whip?

  Working is proving to be very difficult as well.  I worked up until the day I gave birth to Baby so I just automatically assumed I would do the same with this one, no problem.  That is what I get for assuming-because as I'm driving to work I'm negotiating with myself to make it just an hour.  While at work, I'm bargaining with myself to have productive 15 minute blocks.  I am someone who takes great pride in their work so it really hurts me to know that I am not really performing at a high level, though I can assure you-it is the best I can manage these days, even if it makes me feel weak.   I think what is hardest for me is that this can go on for just another day (very unlikely) to another three or so weeks (much more likely).  I can say that is one of the major advantages of having a planned cesarean-knowing at minimum, you won't go past X day being pregnant.   I do try and remind myself though, this is the last few weeks of my family being just three (four when you include the furchild of the family) and I just need to embrace each day because all too soon, it is going to change FOREVER.